Extreme Makeover -Home Edition

Now, i want to be clear here that i am not welding some whip here over the Mister's head (in as far as home renos are concerned). We are both keen to see this house right and up to date from the early 80's in which it currently resides although i am starting to see that in fashion anyways, the 80's are making a comeback. Part of me wonders maybe if i hold out long enough my house will once again be en Vogue. It doesn't matter much now as i did it to myself, this starting of my personal renovations, by sitting on the toilet of my loo and staring at the wallpaper above the dispenser. I had wondered how hard it would be to remove the offending paper and hmm, what was under this avocado green shite and so i ran my nail along the seam. The tiniest of edges gave way, enough to slip my finger under and then i did it. I pulled the paper. I was still under the illusion that a beautiful smooth wall of plaster was laying underneath but well, i couldn't be more wrong. The more i pulled the bigger the piece grew till a napkin sized sheet of wall paper dropped to the ground. Er, well... what have i done? Not like a towel is likely to cover that. Under the picture part of the paper lay the backing and gobs of glue. I knew this about wallpaper, coming off in two parts -first the picture then the backing. it's not Rocket Science by any stretch but there i am looking at a huge gap in the once perfectly smooth paper and knowing that i was "in for a penny in for a pound", so to speak. It's ok really. i don't care for wallpaper and in my mind i have painted it a lovely mossy green to go with my towels and such. Right.

Under the layer of wallpaper is another layer of paper and glue and even further under that is a wood wall in parts of the bathroom and drywall in others. Don't ask, i don't pretend to know the methods of madness of the construction of Kiwi homes. What i *do* know is that i am ever so thankful that i watched infomercials the first month here with the boy while others were away at school and work. You see, afternoon television viewing is pretty much non existent. Perhaps it is thought that most people are out shearing their sheep at this time or other outdoor activities and so from the hours of 11-4 you will be treated on all 5 channels to a carousel of infomercials urging you to get fit, eat better and steam your clothes. Same ones appear daily and for the first while Ronin and i had the TV on for background noise but then one day i came into the living room and found Ro avidly watching some grinning fool steam their clothes on TV. The boy says to me without looking up from the TV, "I bet Dad would steam his own clothes if you got one of those, it looks like fun." Huh. So i join him on the couch and see all the marvelous things the Steamie 2000 can do to enhance my life. I think the lure of sanitizing mold on grout had me reaching for the phone and my Visa, it could have been the removal of pet odor in the carpets too that had me hooked - can't remember but yes, in three working days Steamie 2000 arrived home. As a one time early bird offer i also recieved a dashing carrying case and extra attachements, Fantastic! The Man just shook his head.. apparently it never occured to him that i wouldn't revel in the process of ironing his clothes -go figure. Ronin and i steamed everything and examined the before and after of our efforts in the bathroom and carpets but to be honest, i don't know if things smelled any fresher and i hadn't packed my microscope to gage the bacteria quantity in the carpet and so i can only say that the clothes did look a bit better for use of Steamie. The one thing that the infomercial didn't show me was that it was a handy device to remove glue and backing from walls that had been papered and it was quite by accident that Chris found me in the bathroom with a chisel and hammer one day and suggested offhandidly that i try my gizmo. Oh, to be sure it's still a slooow agonizing process to unearth the bones of a wall. I can tell you almost to the year that changes were made in the house and at some point i won't be surprise to unearth hieroglyphics done in some time in later BC. My vi sons of cleanly painted walls also went out the window. I have ordered more wallpaper to cover the disasters.

Now, wallpapering has come a long ways over the decades in most countries. I have hung prepasted borders (remember the era of the stencil and Debbie Travis?) I wouldn't call myself a guru or anything but i consider my skills to be passable. Uh huh, *never* in my wildest dreams did i think that i would ever be standing at my kitchen sink mixing vats of glue from scratch into pails and slathering it on pock marked walls. I have come out of my tiny bathroom with bits of glue and paper stuck to my hair and joined my family for our nightly family dinner with no more than a Zombie type gaze at them across the table. Of course Chris has nothing to add to the conversation as he seems to be in an equal state, covered with drywall dust and the same haunted look apparently he too is in too deep to back out. We have invested heavily in plaster, paper and wine so far the combination of the three has our optimism high.