Saturday, February 19, 2011

Jackass -The Sequel

I've got to say, upon the last event here, that i feel that the problem lies within the Y Chromosome. I feel somewhat exonerated as i down my Gin thinking back now. The double XX Chromosome seems to be attached to logical thinking. I'm pretty sure i could get funding for this theory, if only to supply me with more alcohol... I wouldn't need to actually put funds into the theory to explain it as it seems that if you give the ppl sporting the "Y" chromosome an hour of unsupervised time, they tend to only build my case.

The test subjects here are The Man and The Boy...both sporting the "y" and I like to think of it now as WHY??? and a Saturday evening to themselves enjoying The boys new scooter. The scooter has recently had it's rear wheel replaced "Y"? Well because The Boy has found a big thrill in starting at the top of our long, steep driveway and likes to zoom full on down it, breaking at the bottom of the house causing the wheel to screech and smoke and doing some fun patterns on the asphalt. Don't look at ME to be supporting this $20 wheel replacement from once was a perfectly round wheel now looking rather square but the other... yes that other Y is happy to go and shell out the dough because he too thinks this is grand entertainment. In fact that afternoon I am seeing both return with the new wheel and heading to the garage but THEN i see them leaving the cave with newly fixed scooter, a flat board and some chunks of wood back down the drive High Fiving each other and grinning like idiots. This can't be good can it....?

No. No it can't, as a short 2 tries later over the newly build RAMP at the bottom of the drive The Man comes in carrying The Boy all bloody in his arms. What the hell??? The two double Xs run to do triage and while picking bits of debris from his elbow we discover that perhaps this is not the main problem here... noooo... it seems that while the boy did in fact get some "air time" off the launch he ending up landing over the handlebars and landing full on his hands. Perhaps an x-ray is in order since he can't seem to move his left one. Awesome! There is nothing better than going to the Emergency on a Saturday night now is there? Little XX packs for the field trip a bag designed to feed and entertain the masses for what i'm sure is to be hours if not days in the petri dish of the city. Big XX grabs cash for the $100 worth of parking we are to pay and the family loads up and heads out into the night. I have said nothing and continue to keep my silence- really if i were to start it would never end.

Auckland's main hospital (downtown) is housed with the most pleasant surprises though... It's almost a valet type feel and you pull into the Emerg with a guard directing you to a lovely little unloading area. From there, you have two choices of Adult doors and Children's doors leading to separate Emergencies. What a Godsend to know that the next 5 hours i won't have a drunk person sleeping on my shoulder while i count the candy slots in the vending machine over and over. Mind you, children scream and cry a lot when they're ill... but it did seem like the lesser of the two evils. We were incorporated into the health machine in such short order though! In no time we were all huddled in our own personal curtain cubby awaiting the Dr. Oh look! A lady pushing a trolly stops by and asks me if i would like some coffee or tea! Must have been a hybrid because i know i asked for coffee but it tasted quite like both. No matter- gave me something to grip while being too slow to follow the two Y's to xray with my Little XX and we ended up standing between a locked elevator and 3 sets of locked doors waiting for someone.. hell anyone to come along and open anything. Turns out it was the WHYS coming down from Xray wondering what had happened to us. Silence continues and my teeth gnaw on my tongue a bit more.

The X-rays turned out to be somewhat helpful in letting us know that we had no major issues of breakage BUT it couldn't show us all the tiny bones in Y's hand and so for safety measure they were setting him in a cast for a few days. As an added bonus, little Y was offered laughing gas while they set his hand of which The Boy took FULL advantage of puffing on it like a steam engine and myself getting into a wrestling match with the laughing loon to pry it from his death grip. Glassy eyed and hiccupping i was told from little Y that i was indeed a killjoy.

I guess the silence was getting a bit much for the WHY ppl in the car on the way home as one of the first things said was "It was pretty good air time you got buddy, which little WHY replied YA! Did you see the first one! The week passed without incident... no, nothing to note other than the day of the cast removal another fun event for me as Mr WHY comes into the house starting up his powered skill saw and with a devilish gleam in his eye and asks "where's The Boy?" I head to the liquor cabinet with my field notes on my study and poor another.

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