Jackass

Yes, I know of this movie...men that are really boys that do stupid life threatening stunts after a kegger for the camera. I personally have yet to sit thru a complete show or one of their money sucking movies in the theaters. I can't fathom what their mothers must be thinking as one of them lights a fireworks out of another's butt and giggles with glee as they all head off to the emergency. Actually, I think if it were me, I would be going about with a bottle of gin and hanging my head in shame at the whole business. "Where and when did I go go wrong?" they must be thinking to themselves.. and until most recently I prolly would have put a lot on these boy's upbringings but I see now that I too am heading down the path laid with empty bottles of gin.

Sometimes it takes just an hour of boredom and being by oneself that not so great ideas form. Take a look at the boy after school all exhausted from all that rule following and learning. He generally comes home and plops himself in front of the TV for a wee bit just to unwind. One of his favorite shows is WWE wrestling. I have walked into the living room and seen him trying to put a hold on Thabo- who bless his heart just stands there and uses his only defense -farting. Wally is keen to attack The Boy but she doesn't play WWE rules and likes to hide behind the couch and launch herself at The Boys shorts. I have also seen her stalk the boy and while The Boy appears to be taking a break she will pounce on his feet latching onto his socks in her own personal "Wally Hold" and waits to hear the scream in order to gain a point for the match. My living room is the arena and i have walked in and immediately turned myself out when i see all the cushions on the couch strewn about the carpet and the boy attempting some sort of back flip off the back of the couch. Really I don't need to see this do i? The rest of the participants seem to agree since everything comes to a stop and 3 pairs of eyes stare at me while tails drop (not the boy!) and silence ensues until i turn my back.

The other day though, things got a wee quiet in the arena... I honestly thought they had just all played themselves out and kept on clicking away at the MAC until i heard my name being said. I looked up and there was my son staring at me from within my wicker foot stool from Pier 101. At first i thought it was some sort of play of "Lion Tamer Gone Wrong" and i asked him what i could do for him- perhaps put together a whip? But no, The Boy had been practicing his "moves" again and had lodged his melon in my stool and couldn't remove it. In fact, he tells me, it's getting a wee heavy and could i maybe do something about this? But of course i say, as I march into the office and grab my camera.. i will be doing something for sure about this situation. I figured documenting the stupidity and holding photos for ransom was my first order of business. I have not a collection but a complete 12 volume work for his wedding day and gosh he is only 11!

After a snapped a few pics off I did *try* ever so carefully to remove my footstool....it is a lovely piece and I'm thinking this will prolly outlast my son at any rate but his damn ears seemed to be the issue- I only got up to his neck and he was making those Bart Simpson choking noises and crying "Diddly! Diddly" before i sent him to the couch to sit with the stool propped up on the back to take the weight off while i gave it a think. Meanwhile his sister comes home, takes one look at her brother watching TV with the wicker cage around his head and rolls her eyes and heads up to her room calling behind her- "Did you get the pics or should I grab the cam?"

Well certainly time was of the essence since The Man would be home in and hour and the two of them trying to solve the issue would most certainly lead to some sort of tool- perhaps a saw.. a head and most importantly my stool ending up in pieces so i looked around the kitchen for something to grease The Boy up with and that's when the idea of cooking spray hit me. So there we were in the kitchen and me giving him a liberal dose of Pam -actually straight shots into the ear but hey! not the first time The Boy has had weird things in his ears now is it? His entire head was slick and shiny and his ears were bright red from the previous attempts and once again i pulled and tried like the Hulk to pry the wicker wide for him to escape while heaving up all the while attempting to turn the stool -The Girl stood there with her bag of popcorn and watched. Minimal amount of skin was lost and his head did indeed make a satisfying plop as the stool released it's grip. Thanks Mom! the little greasy haired, red ear'd urchin exclaimed as he darted off back to the arena for the next round.